


Lost Perfection

by Karwyn



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-07
Updated: 2013-11-07
Packaged: 2017-12-31 19:12:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1035374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karwyn/pseuds/Karwyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After befriending the Sanzo party, you become too attached to Sanzo and take your leave. But what happens after? Your life changes drastically and you wish you could see him again if only to thank him...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost Perfection

**Author's Note:**

> A comfort I've never felt...it's here, even though it won't last for long. - Between the Buried and Me
> 
> I don't own Saiyuki!

“Sanzo… This is going to be the last time you see me. Maybe not forever, but for a very long time. I know you won’t have much to say. It’s fine. I just wanted to let you know. I’m going North for a while now… my journey West is done.”  
  
Sanzo was sitting on the edge of the bed smoking a cigarette and looking anywhere but at you, for once. At the floor, mostly. You stood next to the door with your bag on your shoulder and a sad smile on your face. You placed your hand on the doorknob and turned it.  
  
“I’m sure you can tell that there is a lot I’m not saying, and you aren’t the type to force it out of me right now. But if I see you again, I promise I’ll tell you everything. If we meet again, then we’ll know it’s fate.”  
  
“Hn.” he took a long drag off of his cigarette that burned it down to the filter, but he made no move to stub the butt out. You pulled the door open and stepped out.  
  
“I wish you luck on the rest of your trip West… Be careful.” with that, you closed the door gently behind you and made to move down the hall. Though before you could take a step the door behind you opened again. You turned to look at Sanzo but he pulled you forward into a chaste kiss. It lingered only a moment before he pulled away. You glimpsed something flash in his eyes before he looked away again and closed the door quietly in your face. You smirked to yourself. As silent as he’d been about you leaving, he still couldn’t resist kissing you one last time. Who would have fancied him a romantic?  
  
You stepped quietly through the hallway and down the stairs, careful to ignore the last step that squeaked. Dawn was just breaking and the watery sunlight was just crawling across the inn’s dining room floor. You left a few extra coins on the corner of the bar for the owners who you could hear readying the cookware for breakfast in the kitchen before stepping out the front door. You blinked for a minute in the soft light before adjusting your pack and heading down the road that ran North. It was going to be a clear day, and this road was fairly uneventful for several miles, giving you plenty of time to dwell on memories.   
  
As you started to become absorbed in your thoughts, you didn’t even feel the violet gaze coming from an upstairs window…  
  
  
\-----  
  
You were a little bit traveling salesman and a little bit bounty hunter, stopping in villages to take care of demon problems and sell some daggers or other blades you had crafted to help the villagers defend themselves after you were gone. Towns with blacksmithing equipment like a forge were few and far between so you took the opportunity to make stock of smaller pieces and ended up staying longer in these places. Which is one of the reasons you kept running into the Sanzo party. They usually had good information for you about other villages, which you were grateful for, and you enjoyed their company so you made an effort to hang out with them whenever you were in a town together.  
  
 _There was that first time the group had gotten you to play Mahjong with them. Goku was out (coming back some time later piled with groceries and take out), so it was just the other 3 and you. You all drank quite a lot, and Hakkai being the one ever-resilient to the effects of alcohol, smiled and excused himself along with Goku when it started to get late. Gojyo wandered out soon after, muttering something about finding a lady to spend some time with before bed. Which left you and Sanzo alone together. Had it been a normal night, he probably would have just picked up the paper and started reading, leaving you to your own devices. But as it was a full moon and he was extremely drunk, things happened a little differently…_  
  
 _He wasn’t exactly in “good spirits”, since this is Sanzo, but he was considerably more at ease than normal. He wasn’t frowning or scowling. Maybe a look of drunken indifference on his face, but that’s all. Which made you frisky. Here you were alone with a gorgeous man who wasn’t gritting his teeth or yelling for once, so you were going to toy with him a bit while he was too drunk to want to kill you and you were too drunk to listen to your inhibitions._  
  
 _Cards were played. But after a bit it became boring and they were left scattered forgotten on the table. Sanzo was chain smoking, and you had been teasing him a bit, which led to you leaning close to him, taking the cigarette from his mouth and taking a drag off of it yourself. His eyes locked with yours and you smirked at him as you finished the rest of the cigarette and put it in the ashtray. You winked at him and in one swift movement he had his lips crushed roughly against yours. You blinked stupidly for a minute before letting your eyes flutter closed and reaching out to pull him closer to you. Kisses became more insistent and harsh before he wordlessly pushed you in the direction of his mattress._  
  
That had been the first time you had sex together. It happened a couple more times after that when you would both end up drunk.. But soon you were brave enough to slip into his room without being inebriated after everyone else had gone to sleep, and he never kicked you out. Never once did you regret it, though after a couple months you started to realize that you were developing feelings much too deep for the kind of relationship you had gotten yourself into. You knew he couldn’t reciprocate, so after last night which had been particularly intense, you knew you couldn’t make yourself suffer through this anymore and needed to separate yourself from this man that had become your drug.  
  
The first couple of weeks went well enough. You were a bit lonely without seeing those familiar faces every couple towns, but you liked the choice of heading in a new direction. You loved to travel, and didn’t stay anywhere very long for those first few weeks. You came upon a pretty town by a river, and though you didn’t think you had meandered quite enough off your westward path yet, you couldn’t pass up staying a bit since they had a lovely blacksmithing shack with a water wheel powering the forge bellows.  
  
What you hadn’t counted on during your stay, however, was waking up every morning to wave of nausea, sometimes accompanied by a migraine and your breasts feeling like someone had used them for punching bags.  
  
…Shit.


End file.
